6 months ago on the last Thursday in March Colorado went on mandatory state wide lock down and where do we stand down? I was treating and taking care of COVID 19 patients before the official lock down and I”m still rocking the plastic gowns and multiple masks hair coverings and whole 9 yards every shift. The numbers ebb and flow some shifts I don’t see any and other shifts I’m pushing 7-8 patients with potential COVID. Most aren’t super sick but some are really really sick. and despite being 6+ months in to all of this I can’t guess or tell you who I think is going to do fine and who won’t make it. It’s not just a “bad flu”, I’ve taken care of many “bad flu” patients through the years and this is way different and way worse. And yet there is still a lot we are trying to figure out and learn and know what and how to treat people. Last week I had a patient in his 90s still living independently with his wife and still very sharp except he couldn’t tell me how long he and his wife had been married (I learned later 73 years) and was quite embarrassed that he didn’t remember the exact number and asked me not to tell his wife that he didn’t remember. He was fairly sick and besides being treated for pneumonia and sepsis he was getting evaluated for COVID. Because of the potential COVID patient’s can’t have visitors and so when his wife arrived to the ER I stood a long time in the hallway with her talking and explaining. Thankfully the rooms in our ER have glass windows so I pulled back the curtain to his room and pulled up a chair for her in the middle of the hallway that way she could sit there and wave and talk through the doorway. His nurse went above and beyond keeping the wife in the loop and passing verbal messages between the two as the craziness that is the ER swirled around behind and around her. I found myself that day often stopping in between patients and just watching the two of them through the glass smile and wave and connect knowing very well the big unanswered question as to if he would make it out hung heavy in the air around them. It made me think about what I would say or motion to Clint in 60 some years from now if we are in that same situation. But as I reflected on that I remembered all those these past few months that have seen far fewer days and are in their 20s and 30s with the same unanswered and unknowns hanging over them as they struggle to breath. And I know we are all tired of this and it still totally blows my mind that we are where we are. I feel that as a medical provider and MD and on the front lines I should have more answers and be able to say here’s how long this is going to be around, here’s how we treat it, here’s what we need to do and yet all political junk aside I don’t know. I know some things but so many things still don’t have answers. And that’s just from the medical side, the job loss is a mess, businesses failing, and racial tensions and its all one big mess. Not that everything 6 months ago was working perfectly and in harmony, part of where we are today is because of all the messes from then. And so as summer is fading quickly into fall and winter is looming ahead and I know we likely have a number of darker days before the spring will come I do know there is a Hope and this is not the end or all of the darkness. We will all walk away from this time with scars but I know the Great Healer and until then I will continue to dawn my fancy plastic gowns and multiple masks and protection and do what I can do to make a difference in the lives of those that i come across.