Time…

Time is one of those funny things in life and something that we are never satisfied with. There are days that I wish it would go faster and we could bring out little boy home. And then there are days that I wish it would slow down and I could just soak up each moment and they would never pass.

In the ER sometimes it seems that I have patients with all the same theme. I can go weeks without a patient with appendicitis and then in one or two shifts I’ll have 3 or 4. It’s the same with major trauma, or really anything. However the theme this past week has been patients whose days are numbered. Cancer has wrecked havoc on their bodies and their time on this earth is limited.

A couple of them realized that fact and had come almost to a peace with it. It is humbling to be in a room with someone who knows that they may very well not see Christmas this year and have accepted that and almost act like they are living on borrowed time. They know that each sunrise may be their last and soak up the colors of the sunset against the mountains as though that might be the last thing they see before they close their eyes for good this side of death.

And then I had a couple of patients who were still fighting even though it was obvious that the battle was pretty much over and the victor had been decided. And yet they still held on to the hope and the thought that they would one day be strong and well again. They almost had a anger about them for the fact that they had not been given the allotted time on this earth that they felt like they were due.

I don’t think either group was necessarily wrong or right. I admired the first groups resolve and strength, and yet like everyone I love a fight fought well and the still small chance that maybe just maybe this time Cancer wouldn’t win out.

And yet we all know that whether it seems too fast or too slow (hardly ever just right), time is steadily passing and marching on.

Christ knew that as he walked this earth. He knew that his days were numbered and even though as the creator of time and space, his time on this earth to do the Father’s will was limited. Like my patients he had accepted that fact and knew His ultimate destiny was the cross for my sin and shame. And yet he fought through the end, praying so hard that he sweated blood in the garden that if there was another way it would be so.

And so how do I live my life? Ultimately I have to remember that I too am living on borrowed time, the only guarantee in this life is that it will someday end. And so I hope I take a little from each of my patients and live it out. My days are numbered and I know that, I don’t know how many sunrises or sunsets I have left to enjoy, but I’m going to soak them up and each moment inbetween. And I’m going to fight, fight for the things that really matter and make a difference and fight to rid my life of the things that don’t.  I have been listening to a song by Matt Redman titled 10,000 Reasons and I think it says it all:

“10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)”

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

You’re rich in love, and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name
Lord, I’ll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name
I’ll worship Your holy name