April 30, 2013 is when my little boy was born. I was half a world away and not aware that he had arrived. I had been praying for him and his birth mom for months, knowing that he was probably going to be born at anytime and praying for her strength and health throughout that time. But I didn’t know the moment and my prayers were general and just pleading for his health and safety.
I don’t know who heard his first cries and I wasn’t there to hold him close and snuggle with him. I don’t know if someone sang to him or who wrapped him up and kept him warm. I pray that even though I was an ocean away he would know and be comforted by the love that I could not be there to physically give. I was not there for his first minutes, first hours and first days. I’ve missed his first smiles, milestones, and the day to day moments of life for his first year. And yet while I’ve only seen his face and gotten to know him through a few photographs and one short video, he has been on my mind and in my heart for the past year.
How is it that a mom can love and ache for a child that she has never physically met? Because that child is hers, and while it may be a different set of genes and all, that child is a part of that mom’s heart and always will be.
And so Dear Edric JoonSoo, while I am across a large ocean and many time zones away, know that today, April 30, 2014, on your first birthday while I so wish I could be there and shower you with gifts and love, and give you the ultimate gift of a loving family, know that you have my heart and my love. My prayer is that on April 30, 2015 we will be together and we will be celebrating your second birthday as an entire family, and while I fear the process may prevent that, I pray that it would be so. Between this time and then may you know my love, a mother’s love, knows no boundaries and stretches beyond time zones, governments, paperwork, processes, and anything else that is keeping us apart right now.
Happy Birthday Sweet Little One, I love you Edric JoonSoo.