Waiting is never something anyone likes to do, especially me. Even if it is something that I know is going to be unpleasant I almost want to stop the waiting and get going on whatever it is so I can get it behind me.
Lately I’ve felt caught between two desires. I want to soak up each moment and time that I have with Caedmon and Leighton before they grow more, and at the same time I want the waiting to bring Edric home to be done. I don’t want to miss more of his days, but want him here with us. Most days I just push those feelings away and focus on what needs to happen to get through the day or moment that I am currently in, but it’s hard when part of your heart is ½ a world away. While I love getting photos each month of our little guy (and this month we even got a little video), it is also that constant gnawing reminder that he is getting bigger and I’m not there to share in and make those moments with him. I look at Caedmon and realize that Edric will likely be his age when he comes home next year, and think of all the memories and day to day times and snuggles, tears, giggles, and moments I share with him and will never get to share with Edric. Some days that fact is easier to swallow than other days, or maybe I just ignore the twinge of pain in my heart some days better than others.
This last week in church we talked about Mark 13 and being ready. None of us know when Jesus is going to return, and yet we are all called to be ready. It may be next week or it may be in another 1000 years, and the timing doesn’t really matter. The thing that matters is whether or not we are living like Christ called us to live and pointing to Christ in all we do. And so I wonder if sometimes, God looks at our world and has that same twinge of pain in his heart. He knows that someday all will be made new, the pain and destruction and evil in this world will be destroyed and we will be with Him forever, but right now we’re in that waiting time, and we have to get through it, but in the end it will be sweet victory.
And so, we’ll keep looking at the photographs, planning packages to send, and watching the video that we got while we wait. We’ll look with great anticipation for that day that we can all be together, trying desperately to live in each moment now because that’s all we have, but remembering that there is a bigger plan and a greater moment and hope coming.