Running Doubts…

I am two weeks into my trail marathon (or 25.4 mile race which is close enough to a marathon I just call it that) training. It has been a long time since I trained for a distance that long, and when I did last train for a marathon I can’t really say I trained that hard…hence the walking from mile 15-22…but that was 10+ years ago.

So far (granted I’m only 2 weeks in) I’ve really worked at being consistent, getting my runs in (all things considered being a mom and working whacky hours) and just trying. I’ve already ran over 100 miles this month which is more than any month last year. I have had to do some runs on the treadmill just to get them in before a work shift or something but those have even gone pretty well. Clint and I had a date last weekend and we went on my first long run, and did a 8 mile trail run which was beautiful.

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Despite all of that I have had a ton of doubts and worries that I’m not going to make it or that I’m going to be so slow or have to walk a good portion of it. Running is my emotional release many days but I am seeing how much I doubt myself, and not just in the area of running but in many areas of my life. It’s something that I should have figured out or conquered in my 37 years on this planet and yet it is something that still plagues me.

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I was worried all this week about my long run this weekend, I had 10 miles to do. I worked two evening shifts the days before which meant getting home at 2AM which is never conducive to long runs. But I slept in a little on Saturday morning (thanks to Clint) and did my run in the afternoon during nap time. It wasn’t a walk in the park by any means and I struggle a little during parts of it, and it was very chilly, but I got it done. I felt really good afterwards and proud of myself.

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Some runs are going to be victories, some are going to be struggles but I just have to remind myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to shut off the voices in my head when I’m struggling. I will finish, I may not be fast, but I’m not going to keep letting these doubts keep me from succeeding.

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I recently saw a quote that said something like “Learn to take care of your words when you are with others and your thoughts when you are by yourself”. I love too that running and races are brought up in Scripture often, life is not a sprint, our walks with Christ are not sprints, but long hard runs, and there are times that we fly, and times that we crawl, and both of those are ok. One step at a time.

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