Wow, hard to believe that we are two weeks since custody day already. It doesn’t seem like it has been that long. Except at 3 in the morning, and then it seems really long. Nights are still rough, last night was probably the easiest we’ve had and we were only up about 45 minutes from 3-3:45 with a night terror. Paxton doesn’t show much grief during the day, but I think the stress and all comes out at night when he’s sleeping. Makes my heart break. I’ve been praying for peaceful sleep every night as I lay next to his bed as he falls asleep.
Paxton is talking up a storm though. At least it’s a storm compared to what we had with Edric. One of the funniest things is that the older boys like to sing the song “I love my red shoes” from the Pete The Cat book, and Paxton has started walking around saying “I love my red shoes”, which is funny because I don’t think he has a clue what he is saying. He has figured out “uh oh” and “tickle” and at dinner last night said “all done” and “thank you” which was just sweet. He copies a lot of what he sees and hears from all of us around him. He’s figured out high fives and “knuckles”. Eating is getting a little better, rice and stir fried anchovies and sea weed are still his preferred meal, with some Korean noodles thrown in, but we are figuring out slowly what works and what doesn’t.
The older three boys are so sweet and caring with him. They all want to hold his hand and help out. Edric especially has embraced the “big brother” role. He likes to hold Paxton’s sippy cup and help him drink from it. He also tries to wipe Paxton’s tears away when Paxton does cry….only it ends up being more of slapping his face which doesn’t go over real well….uh thanks but no thanks?
Really all in all things are going as smoothly as possible. That said, we are exhausted and I think I told Clint the other night “I’m just afraid I’m messing all this up”. I think I worry if I’m connecting with him enough and is he beginning to feel safe and secure in our family and how is the attachment process coming, and on and on. All those unanswered and difficult to measure and assess points. And so I have to learn to stop and spend time in prayer remembering its not by my strength that any of this is getting done or that we are making it through each day and night. And there is a bigger plan at work here and its bigger than my fears and worries and mistakes. Which is a good thing.