Squished between Christmas and New Years I celebrate another journey on this planet and the start of another ride around the sun. And I know that by this next journey’s end I’ll be closer to 40 than to 35 and I’m not too sure how I feel about that yet. I still have 6 months where I’m closer to 35 which means I’m closer to 30 which means I’m still in my early 30s right (because 35 is closer to 30 than 40 I think)? At least that’s how I see it. And actually my patients all still ask me if I’m in high school, so that clearly puts me in my early 20s.
I actually found my first gray hair a couple of months ago. I immediately pulled it out because it clearly does not belong on my head. It has promptly grown back a few of times since and I continue to pull it out. I’m pretty sure it’s the same one because it’s not the same length as any of my other hair and always in the same spot. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Also that it somehow got lost and forgot that I’m in my early 20s and way too young for gray hair. And I’ve got really thick hair, so I can pull a lot of those suckers out before I go bald….but since it’s the same one then I don’t have to worry about that. (Clearly).
I started my 30s as a resident working way too many hours a week with a toddler to chase and as 40 is getting closer I am still chasing toddlers and working less but still exhausted. I think I was probably more whacky with sleep and such when I was working as a resident and definitely more unsure of myself and my place in the world. My sleep is still somewhat whacky ( I am an ER doctor after all), but I’ve gained a little more confidence in myself along the way. I know I started my 30s with very defined black and whites and along the ways there are a lot more grays (just not in my hair) now. I don’t think I started my 30s with many goals if any, outside of trying to survive residency. Now that that is in the past and I start to look forward I’m beginning to ask myself, where to I want to be in a year/5 years/10 years/etc and what do I want to leave behind? Lots to think and ponder in this next year. And for the first time in awhile I’m not growing a baby or waiting for one on the other side of the world, and so maybe I can actually think and plan a little this year (between the potty training that is still a part of my life).
And so as this next age begins I think and reflect on Ecclesiastes 3:1-14
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plan and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace
What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil-this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
And so I start this next year of my life not knowing what time it is for me yet, but remembering that God is making all things beautiful in His time.
Hiking Mommy 