5+1=6…And I’m Going To Be Outnumbered
Yes it’s true. I’m about to be way outnumbered. I already am with 4 boys in my house and me. Unless you count the chickens. But I’m not sure that I want to count the three girl chickens as part of my team (especially the one named “Ben”) because well…they have chicken brains. I’ll just leave it at that.
But enough on the chickens. Yes we are adding another boy to our family! Friday afternoon we signed paperwork to accept Paxton KaOn into our family. He is currently in Seoul, South Korea being loved and cared for by his foster family and we are starting the process of waiting all over again. He is 8 months old and as cute as can be (and yes that is coming from a very proud mommy).
The first number of weeks home with Edric this was not even on the radar. We were in survival mode fueled entirely on chocolate eaten in the closet while I cried. Adoption is hard. Like REALLY HARD. But then a tugging started on our hearts and I think the tugging was ignored by both of us initially. But finally that tugging took us to our knees in prayer. And clearly there is someone (SOMEONE) who sees more and loves more and has a much bigger plan for our lives than we do and so we walk down this road in obedience and trust.
Sometimes I look around and see more dirt on the rug than is actually left in my garden, or step on one more Lego in my bare feet, or wonder how there can be any sand left in the sandbox when my vacuum is full of it, or try and calculate when exactly it was that I last cleaned that bathroom. And it’s not easy to set boundaries and show love to someone who has lost everything and had his whole world turned upside down and has never had boundaries and has no earthly idea what you are saying to him. And it’s messy. By no means do we have this figured out. AT ALL. Almost every night (and usually about 5 minutes after waking up) I realize how many things I messed up that day, with all my boys, Clint, Leighton, Caedmon, and Edric. Married, biological, or adopted, I mess up equally with all 4 of them. Soon to be 5. Being a wife and a mom is by far some of the best refinement processes I have ever known. Ultimately though it isn’t about me or how many things I do or say or whatever that is right or wrong. I’m called to love them, and while that love is often messy and far from perfect that’s what I’ll do each and every day.
I’m proud to be a “boy-mommy”. Sure I don’t have many tea parties or spend my afternoons playing dolls like the “girl-mommies” do, or balance between both worlds like mommies of both do, I’ve always been a bit of a tom-boy and so I’ll spend my days climbing trees, getting muddy, playing with nerf guns, and running around the yard with my super cape on (trust me I’m sure our neighbors think we are nuts when they look outside and see all of us running through the yard wearing our capes and randomly freezing in “super hero poses”).
And so little Paxton we welcome you into our family, and while our hearts are ½ a world away with you, know that we cannot wait for you to come home. We are already packaging up zip lock baggies to mail to you, pining each month for our monthly update photos, and dreaming of the day we will see you face to face. Caedmon is already praying each night “And dear Jesus, pwease help Paxton come home soon” Amen!