Uh oh…

Nothing like hearing those words makes a mommy stop. “Uh oh” was the second word that Leighton learned how to say (his first was Daisy, the name of our dog). For Caedmon it was his first word.

Caedmon is at the stage where he uses it often. Most of the time it is not a real “uh oh”. While driving home from church last Sunday, I heard him throw his paci to the back of the van, and then he started a chorus- “Uh oh, Uh oh, Uh oh”. I told him that it’s not really an “uh oh” if you intentionally throw your paci. I have watched him pick up a carrot off his plate at dinner and chuck it to the ground and then look at me and say “Uh oh”. It’s really hard not to laugh.

There are things in life that often happen as accidents, or “uh ohs”. Pregnancies are sometimes seen as accidents or “uh ohs”. I can’t tell you how many patients I have seen and talked to that are shocked that they are pregnant. I usually follow up telling them the news with the questions, “were you trying to get pregnant? And “were you using anything for birth control?” I’m always amazed that both questions are usually answered with a “no” and yet they are totally surprised that they are pregnant.

Adoption however is not something that is done by accident. No one goes through the mound of paperwork, the interviews, the waits, and the emotion, the whole time saying, “uh oh”. Perhaps that’s the reason there is so much introspection and evaluation of motives with adoption. I can’t tell you how many times Clint and I have questioned each other and ourselves about our motives or if we are making the best decision or what conditions we are comfortable with.

When someone finds out they are pregnant, they aren’t questioned about their motives for being parents, they don’t open their home to have a stranger come in and evaluate if their home is safe enough, or go through interviews to figure out if they would be “good parents”. They don’t have to sit down and write about their time in elementary school and how that shaped them into the person that they are today. They aren’t questioned about the time they went to see the counselor during college because they were stressed out and overwhelmed and not sure if they were depressed or not.

On top of that in the adoption process one is handed a file and then has to go through it and decide if the problems, potential issues or exposures during gestation and decide if that child is the right one for their family. Adoption is not an “uh oh”. There is too much planning, knowing, questioning for that to be. And at the same time, there is so much unknown.

I think it would be easier if there were more “uh ohs” with adoption. I think I have gotten to the point to where I’m overthinking everything and questioning all my thoughts and feelings. I think it would be easier if I didn’t know what little I knew about a baby’s past and didn’t have to feel like my intentions and desires were being questioned at each step of the way. I think it would be so much easier without the knowledge that before I can bring the little guy home I have to go stand before a judge across the ocean and through a translator try and explain my desires and wants to bring him home.

And yet, right now that’s the reality, there’s no “uh oh” involved. Whether I know a lot or a little about a little boy and can exactly put in to words my motivations or not, there is a little boy who doesn’t have a family and ours is a family that needs a little boy. Deep down I have to remember no matter how in control or out of control or overwhelmed by the decisions, there is a God who is in control and who does see All and know All. And He has never said “uh oh”.

Check out my husband’s blog at http://www.amorningcalm.com