Uphill, Pushing A Heavy Load
Yesterday I decided to load both little boys into the double jogging stroller and jog Caedmon to preschool. Which happens to be uphill from our house. And 3.3 miles away. It’s normally a nice run but when pushing 55 pounds of kid not to mention whatever the stroller weighs, it can be a bit much. There was definitely some walking during my run going on. Especially on the big up hills.
On the way back, it was 30 pounds lighter and Edric and I stopped and played at the park and got to go downhill the whole way home. That was way easier.
In a lot of ways I realized last night that my run/jog/walk/whatever up hill was very similar to our adoption. We are definitely on the uphill climb right now. I don’t know where the top is, but I can tell you that I think we are quite a ways from it right now. Don’t get me wrong, I am super thankful and amazed at this little one that has joined our family, but it is hard. HARD. And we are tired and emotions are drained and it is just plain tough. No way around it.
Edric has moved out of the sad and grieving phase, and although he will occasionally call or cry for Omma he’s moved into a different stage. It was actually easier when he was sad and crying because I knew how to comfort him. It made more sense. But now he is acting out and expressing those emotions in a different way. He is aggressive and scratches and pushes others, especially his brothers, but will scratch and push other kids that he doesn’t know. The communication is really tough because I don’t know how to talk and communicate with him and while he seems to be understanding a lot there is still a mountain to climb in the world of communicating with each other. Writing this out makes it seem so minor and yet I don’t know how to put into words or describe what the day to day and moment to moment is like other than saying that it is HARD.
And I’m not writing this to complain or to say that I wish it was different. It just is. And it is a climb. But there is progress and we are climbing. For right now night time seems to have leveled off a little which is helping everyone (amazing what sleep does!), and Clint and I are learning how to communicate and be on the same team, even though we have both messed up in that area. Those that have climbed this hill ahead of me say that it is often 2 steps forward and a step back. We have only been home a little over a week and so we are learning and growing. And ultimately realizing how little strength we have and how much we need God’s strength to get through each day.
And so we keep climbing.